Sunday, 26 August 2012

Felt like a change

So I've played around with the blog look.

Simple as that.

All Locked Up

Mr Trifectagirl had a storage lock-up.  Updating details at the storage facility was one of the many things that we just never thought of. The lock-up pre-dates our relationship, and was initially filled with both his and his mother's stuff. Since he moved in with me we've done some juggling and now a fair proportion of the contents is my gear, and we've been regularly stowing grown-out-of baby gear in there too. 

Mr Trifectagirl got sick with the access codes to the lock-up facility in his Brain (not the one in his head, but his palm pilot that he called his Brain, which of course I don't know the access code to). So I never got the the access code. I have the key to the unit, but not the codes to the facility.

My sister has her baby due in about 5 weeks, so I figured it was high time to get out the infant stuff I've been promising her so she can get prepared. This required accessing the unit.

So I called the company late last week and explained that my husband passed unexpectedly and I need access to the unit. 

And I was told they were not going to give me access.  They've apparently gotten in trouble before for giving spouses access to storage units..  Ummm, I KNOW THE LOCK UP EXISTS, it's not like he was hiding it from me!!!  Makes you wonder who's hiding what from whom out there.

First they said that Mr Trifectagirl's friend M (who was groomsman at our wedding) was on the access list. So he could have access. But I couldn't.

So I asked what I needed to do to get access myself.  Apart from having M go there, get the codes and give them to me.

They asked if I could produce:

  • the Death Certificate - yep, got one of those, and marriage certificate for good measure.  And thanks to a minor obsession by said sister as a child, I keep wanting to type 'Death Star', not Death Certificate.  
  • a Copy of the Will - no, he died intestate.
  • anything granting me executor status on his estate - nope, he died with so little, probate was not needed. And as spouse everything goes to me under the relevant Act, anyway.
After much to-ing and fro-ing, they said if I produced the death certificate and a copy of the death notice from the paper, I could get access.  I don't carry a copy of the death notice with me.  And some people may not actually wish to place a death notice in the paper.

At this point I tell them they are the ONLY organisation that's given me any trouble following the unexpected death of my husband.

They finally acquiesced to death certificate, marriage certificate and ID. 

I arrive at the facility to get the codes and show all the ID.  I don't think the lady was expecting me to enter with a toddler in tow.  She enquired during the process of checking the documents if I'd only need access the once.  Ah, it's full of my stuff, so no, I'll need ongoing access.  When would we be vacating?  We're paid up until April 2013.  I'll probably take the last of it about then - I ain't dealing with it all right now.

During the course of the conversation, the lady says 'I called R', and I figure she's referring to the head honcho she said she had to check things with over our numerous telephone calls.

Nope. Turns out the R she's referring to is the Best Man from our wedding, who was listed as an alternative to hunt down if the account wasn't being paid and they weren't hearing from Mr Trifectagirl.  She apparently called him to check my story that my husband had died.

So basically the storage facility would give access to the best man and groomsman, but not the wife!!  

And apparently a death certificate isn't evidence enough of someones death.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Art Imitating Life

I'm currently reading the first series of novels by Charlaine Harris (author of the Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood series) that I picked up from the library.   I've been quite enjoying it, when I get a chance to read. 

I use the bus trip to and from work to read for the most part. 

I worked an extra day yesterday therefore loosing my down-time from being "a widowed mother of a toddler working to keep a roof over our head and food on the table whilst trying to remain sane" for the week and being stressed out to the max with budgets and trying to get things done on deadline (and not really succeeding).  I was feeling pretty low on resilience on what the world was throwing at me, and so I escaped into my book on my way home.

And lo and behold, a recurring character becomes a widow with a couple of books to go.

Crap.  Now I'm really on the verge of tears and loosing it.

Not what I need sitting on the bus next to some teenage boy who was already shitty as I'd made him put his bag on the floor under his feet so my arse could park on the seat.

I got home and distracted myself doing the grocery shop and continued my day.

On the up side, at least I can identify with the character in the final books, right?

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Smell of an Oily Rag

Budgets.  Ughhhhh.

Work is a bit crazy at the moment.  We're trying to fulfil our contracted obligations AND prepare for the wind-down of our program in June 2013.

With some staffing changes, I've come back to work being in charge of monitoring the dollars. 

Thankfully the full responsibility of keeping to budget lies with the boss. 

Especially since it's been decided on high we don't need as much as we usually do... 

By quite a bit... 

Which came to light this week.

Ummmm - we still have a full year of work!!

At least I've found in the last week or so my brain seems to be back on-line after the fuzziness of Mr Trifectagirl's illness and passing.  I'm able to see links, opportunities and risks better than I have been since the start of the year.  I some how feel this is going to be useful.

I'm going to be very friendly with excel this year, I think.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

5 Months, 2 Months, 18 Months

Today is two calendar months since Mr Trifectagirl passed.

I still feel like I'm running on a few time-lines.  How long since he got sick (closing in on 5 months) and how long since he passed.   His passing I still count in both weeks (it's 8) and months. 

But the weeks are getting fuzzier to remember.  I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.  Or as he always said, 'It is what it is' (which drove me batty, by the way).

And how am I marking the day?

J went swimming, then off for his 18 month checks and immunisations. 

We also reached that milestone a couple of days ago. 

In amongst all the crazies, somehow I got an 18 month old.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Grief's Journey

I've spent quite a bit of time on-line looking for "widow", particularly "young widow with child(ren)" resources and groups, and I've found some great communities out there.

I also happened to find a local group who meet face to face, and attended my first event last week.  It was dinner, and obviously there was a lot heavy conversation - most start with 'how did you loose your spouse?', but quite a lot of laughs, too.

Of the 10 there, five of us were there for the first time mostly within the first year since loosing our partners, however one lady is 4 years into her journey and is now feeling up to getting out and about more.  Most of us were after a group of people who 'get it' and can provide support, encouragement as we move along our journeys and tips for managing our kids and helping them through this crappy situation. 

I'm glad I've found this group - I think it's going to be a great collection of people to be involved with.

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Cracking Up

While Mr Trifectagirl was sick, I was clenching my teeth with all the stress.  Understandably.

After not getting to the dentist in over a year, I finally got off my butt and went in yesterday.

Turns out I've managed to crack an old filling to the point that if it wasn't where it is, it would have fallen out.

Yeahhhh - a Drill em' Fill em' and Bill em' session in a couple of weeks to fix the damage.

Friday, 3 August 2012


One thing that has been driving me nuts pretty much since Mr Trifectagirl moved in to my house is the lack of storage in the kitchen. Particularly since we both suffer from serious cases of 'ohhh new kitchen gadget'.  His was worse than mine. 

Since late last year, we've been working on getting quotes to get some cabinetry retro-fitted into the kitchen to add more hidden storage and get the microwave off the bench top.  That's the bare minimum we've (well I'VE) wanted done.  I'm getting a second option quoted, too.  But I'm suspecting that will be way out of reach financially.

We hadn't had much success getting anyone to actually give us figures.  We had a few people measure, but they never got quotes to us. 

Thankfully the company that manufactured and installed the original cabinets had left a sticker inside one of the drawers, and they came out to quote today.  With any luck, I'll actually have a quote in a couple of weeks.