Mr Trifectagirl's birthday was on St Patrick's day, which also happens to coincide with the anniversary of him getting sick. To observe this anniversary, a group of his friends and I went to the restaurant we were at last year. I was apprehensive but enjoyed the day and the food is still fantastic. This was the third year in a row we've been there for his birthday.
And I've spent most of the time since then sick, overloaded and just generally feeling like crap. Not surprising since this is one of the big anniversaries, but I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today's Widow's Voice blog post sums it up well (this blog, part of the US based Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, has been a fantastic resource).
J still has sleep issues. He generally sleeps through, which I'm thankful for, but "sleeping through" is between him going down around 9pm and up anywhere from 5am. Which sucks if you're not a morning person.
Due to having a toddler running around in the evenings who requires a railroad engineer, story book reader and human jumping castle, I've struggled to keep up with my uni work, so have dropped my statistics subject. Thankfully the census date, which is the cut-off for paying for the subject, is tomorrow so I made that decision just in time.
I was planning to travel to the US over the mid-year break to meet a whole bunch of wonderful women who have supported me through infertility, pregnancy, parenthood, and Mr Trifectagirl's illness and passing. But the thought of travelling all over the continent, alone, with an over-active 2 year old for 4 weeks just did not sound like fun, so have cancelled those plans.
Now that I'm down to a hopefully more sensible load, I'll be able to cope with the 3 month run to the end of my job and the start of my time as a full time student again.
Saturday, 30 March 2013
Sunday, 10 March 2013
I thought my kid would be able to do that...
Last night my sister and I took our respective little boys to Granite Island to see the fairy penguins at dusk. Well, as much as a 2 year old and 5 month old will cooperate with that plan.
Visiting the island to see the penguins was a stock-standard of our childhood and school camps. And the penguins were everywhere. In fact one of my best friends and I spoke for the first time on the bus on the way back to our accommodation after the visit our class made for our Year 8 'get to know you' camp (for US readers, year 8 is the first year of high school in South Australia).
So N and I were expecting to see the hundreds of them that you used to see when we were kids.
I had heard numbers were in trouble, but was gobsmacked to hear they're down to 26 birds!!
Down from 2000 birds around ten years ago.
As J was not a happy camper while the guide was filling us in, so I didn't really hear the reasons, but apparently one main one is there has been an explosion of seal numbers. And fairy penguins are quite yummy to seals.
On the drive home, N and I were saying we thought this is one of those things we'd always be able to do with our kids at any time - turns out we may not be able to.
Visiting the island to see the penguins was a stock-standard of our childhood and school camps. And the penguins were everywhere. In fact one of my best friends and I spoke for the first time on the bus on the way back to our accommodation after the visit our class made for our Year 8 'get to know you' camp (for US readers, year 8 is the first year of high school in South Australia).
So N and I were expecting to see the hundreds of them that you used to see when we were kids.
I had heard numbers were in trouble, but was gobsmacked to hear they're down to 26 birds!!
Down from 2000 birds around ten years ago.
As J was not a happy camper while the guide was filling us in, so I didn't really hear the reasons, but apparently one main one is there has been an explosion of seal numbers. And fairy penguins are quite yummy to seals.
On the drive home, N and I were saying we thought this is one of those things we'd always be able to do with our kids at any time - turns out we may not be able to.
Monday, 4 February 2013
Politics and Elections
What a week in Australian politics - the Federal election called for September, change in leadership in the South Australian opposition, arrests, pollies opening their mouths to insert their foot... TV news has been saturated with it.
My Mum was active in politics and Mr Trifectagirl had been very actively involved in both of our political parties in his life. We came to the conclusion that 20 or so years ago, we were probably at the same events!
As such we'd often discuss what was going on.
Maybe this is another reason the surgery anniversary is hitting hard.
The house is very quiet even with a 2 year old boy in residence. I'm very conscious of both the lack of insults being slung at the TV as particular politicians come on screen and open their mouths, and the conversations I'm not having.
My Mum was active in politics and Mr Trifectagirl had been very actively involved in both of our political parties in his life. We came to the conclusion that 20 or so years ago, we were probably at the same events!
As such we'd often discuss what was going on.
Maybe this is another reason the surgery anniversary is hitting hard.
The house is very quiet even with a 2 year old boy in residence. I'm very conscious of both the lack of insults being slung at the TV as particular politicians come on screen and open their mouths, and the conversations I'm not having.
Sunday, 3 February 2013
Death March
Many widows who now count their journey in years talk about the death march - the physical and emotional experience in the lead up to the anniversary of their partner's death.
No matter what else has passed, including re-partnering, the body keeps those memories and marks time.
My grief shows itself physically. For the last week or so, I've been feeling like crap - unable to eat, sleeping even worse than usual, actually feeling the effects of my life-long tendency not to drink water, very short with J and struggling to deal with the 2 year old meltdowns that have appeared.
So it looks like my death march has begun, even though the 'deathaversary' isn't until June.
I've actually been feeling pretty good. University starts next week and I've reached the milestone of being able to take my wedding rings off - the time felt right.
So I've been trying to think 'why now'. I've know all along that I've been grieving on a two-date rhythm based on when Mr Trifectagirl got sick, and then passed. And for my experience, the illness date is the stronger of the two and the anniversary of him getting sick is 6 weeks or so away.
Then it dawned on me as the calendar flipped into February there is a third date I hadn't been conscious of, February 22nd - the date of the surgery that lead to his illness. The surgery I still believe that if he'd listend to doctor's orders, he could have avoided in the first place.
It doesn't help that prior to the 22nd I have J's 2nd birthday, the first without his father, and cupid day. Not that it was big for us, it's just freaking everywhere and a reminder of what has gone.
At least now that I've identified what's going on, I can do what I can to take care of myself.
I still don't feel like eating, though.
My grief shows itself physically. For the last week or so, I've been feeling like crap - unable to eat, sleeping even worse than usual, actually feeling the effects of my life-long tendency not to drink water, very short with J and struggling to deal with the 2 year old meltdowns that have appeared.
So it looks like my death march has begun, even though the 'deathaversary' isn't until June.
I've actually been feeling pretty good. University starts next week and I've reached the milestone of being able to take my wedding rings off - the time felt right.
So I've been trying to think 'why now'. I've know all along that I've been grieving on a two-date rhythm based on when Mr Trifectagirl got sick, and then passed. And for my experience, the illness date is the stronger of the two and the anniversary of him getting sick is 6 weeks or so away.
Then it dawned on me as the calendar flipped into February there is a third date I hadn't been conscious of, February 22nd - the date of the surgery that lead to his illness. The surgery I still believe that if he'd listend to doctor's orders, he could have avoided in the first place.
It doesn't help that prior to the 22nd I have J's 2nd birthday, the first without his father, and cupid day. Not that it was big for us, it's just freaking everywhere and a reminder of what has gone.
At least now that I've identified what's going on, I can do what I can to take care of myself.
I still don't feel like eating, though.
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
23 Months
I cannot believe that J is 23 months old.
One month until he's 2.
Where did the last 2 years go??? Don't answer that - a good chunk of last year was well and truely a write-off, as much as I tried to be conscious of J's growth and development while one stressed-out mamma about Mr Trifectagirl.
His favourite things at the moment are his wooden train set, water, baseball set, water, Fireman Sam, Lazy Town, Thomas, Giggle and Hoot, chasing mum with a spray bottle full of water, ice (frozen juice or frozen oranges or strawberries), bathtime. This kid is a water baby.
Party plans are in full swing. We're going to the same park as last year since it gives options for older kids to run around - and I suspect J will only stop long enough to inhale some cake that a friend is making for us, and get back into playing himself.
Gift wise he goes up to the toddler room at childcare on his birthday, so he'll get a new bag and hat on his birthday. I also want to get him a sand pit, but that will have to happen later with grandpa's help.
Other gifts I've been told about are an easel, bathtub stickers, a quilt cover set and some size 2 clothes - and since it looks like he had a growth spurt Saturday, he'll be in them sooner rather than later, I think!
One month until he's 2.
Where did the last 2 years go??? Don't answer that - a good chunk of last year was well and truely a write-off, as much as I tried to be conscious of J's growth and development while one stressed-out mamma about Mr Trifectagirl.
His favourite things at the moment are his wooden train set, water, baseball set, water, Fireman Sam, Lazy Town, Thomas, Giggle and Hoot, chasing mum with a spray bottle full of water, ice (frozen juice or frozen oranges or strawberries), bathtime. This kid is a water baby.
Party plans are in full swing. We're going to the same park as last year since it gives options for older kids to run around - and I suspect J will only stop long enough to inhale some cake that a friend is making for us, and get back into playing himself.
Gift wise he goes up to the toddler room at childcare on his birthday, so he'll get a new bag and hat on his birthday. I also want to get him a sand pit, but that will have to happen later with grandpa's help.
Other gifts I've been told about are an easel, bathtub stickers, a quilt cover set and some size 2 clothes - and since it looks like he had a growth spurt Saturday, he'll be in them sooner rather than later, I think!
Tuesday, 8 January 2013
New Years Organising Revolution - Week 2
This post is part of an organising contest that I'm participating in through I'm an Organizing Junkie.
Please vote for me from Friday - it's the one labelled "39 Trifectagirl". Thank you!!
I missed week one. I'd planned to work on my desk, but that just got a bit too much last week.
This week the challenge area is the kitchen, so I chose to organise my utensils drawer. I had sorted through my counter-top caddies just after the kitchen renovations, but not tackled the drawer yet.
I've had a pretty good double decker drawer divider/utensil holder for a number of years, so organising in this case was simply a case of 'empty, purge and allocate a home for what's left'.
My starting point was this jumbled hodge-podge mess.
J loves pulling things out of this drawer, so I had already removed most of the knives (but I happened to find a few I'd forgotten about at the bottom of the pile). I found multiple citrus zesters, pizza cutters, items I have no idea what they are, a chestnut cracker and 3 carving forks over and above my grandmother's good set.
I grouped things together, such as salad servers, useful but not used often (on the bottom rack!), skewers, spatulas and measuring spoons and long or chunky items.
I've decided I need to get one of these dividers from my cutlery drawer. I'm using the moulded one that came with the kitchen, and realised tonight after doing this sort out that there is a bunch of wasted space in the existing set-up.
In the drawer I worked on, and my top one, I found a bunch of tea and hot chocolate items, so I bundled them together and have stored them in a glass mug with the tea and teapots.
One thing I stumbled on in the drawer was a tea-bag squeezer, which I had forgotten I had. I've stored this in the jar of teabags that sit on a lazy susan on my bench with the rest of my every-day coffee/tea making things.
This was a pretty quick project - if I'd not also done 2 loads of laundry and folded them, I'd have achieved the sort and this post while J was doing this:
I missed week one. I'd planned to work on my desk, but that just got a bit too much last week.
This week the challenge area is the kitchen, so I chose to organise my utensils drawer. I had sorted through my counter-top caddies just after the kitchen renovations, but not tackled the drawer yet.
I've had a pretty good double decker drawer divider/utensil holder for a number of years, so organising in this case was simply a case of 'empty, purge and allocate a home for what's left'.
My starting point was this jumbled hodge-podge mess.
J loves pulling things out of this drawer, so I had already removed most of the knives (but I happened to find a few I'd forgotten about at the bottom of the pile). I found multiple citrus zesters, pizza cutters, items I have no idea what they are, a chestnut cracker and 3 carving forks over and above my grandmother's good set.
I grouped things together, such as salad servers, useful but not used often (on the bottom rack!), skewers, spatulas and measuring spoons and long or chunky items.
The top layer is things like can openers, garlic press, microplane and peelers. Since finishing this and cooking a meal, I've done a bit of tweaking putting the microplane to the side and the nutmeg/ginger grater fits at the front of the divider.
I've decided I need to get one of these dividers from my cutlery drawer. I'm using the moulded one that came with the kitchen, and realised tonight after doing this sort out that there is a bunch of wasted space in the existing set-up.
In the drawer I worked on, and my top one, I found a bunch of tea and hot chocolate items, so I bundled them together and have stored them in a glass mug with the tea and teapots.
One thing I stumbled on in the drawer was a tea-bag squeezer, which I had forgotten I had. I've stored this in the jar of teabags that sit on a lazy susan on my bench with the rest of my every-day coffee/tea making things.
This was a pretty quick project - if I'd not also done 2 loads of laundry and folded them, I'd have achieved the sort and this post while J was doing this:
Wednesday, 2 January 2013
Things I've Been Meaning to Do - 2013 plan
Previously I've done monthly 'Things I've been meaning to do' posts, and since I found them really useful to keep me moving on all those things I've been meaning to do, I'll resurrect them for 2013.
This list are things I've been meaning to do in some cases for years that I'd like to knock off in 2013. Many of these I can set smaller goals during the year on a month by month basis to get them done.
*The montly 'Things I've Been Meaning to Do' originally came from I'm A Lazy Mom.
This list are things I've been meaning to do in some cases for years that I'd like to knock off in 2013. Many of these I can set smaller goals during the year on a month by month basis to get them done.
- Make photo books of the photos I have of my mum and step-dad. I've got piles of baby and childhood photos, so I'd like to get them organised and published into photobooks. Only been on the list for 4 years or so.
- Finish J's baby cross-stitch. He's nearly 2. I need to get it done. I don't want it to be like the table cloth my mother started crocheting when she was pregnant with my sister in 1976. It was left unfinished when she passed in April 2008. By unfinished, there is one square to finish and and two to connect to the tablecloth!
- Sort through my filing cabinet. This is just a general maintenance task that needs to be done, but something I tend to avoid.
- Sell the stuff I've been planning to sell for ages - some of this also dates back 4 years.
- Tidy up the couch grass in my yard. It's invaded the garden beds and since I have good edging, I really should get in and clean it up. This will be a winter job when the ground is hopefully softer.
- Re-paint all the trim around the outside of the house, a job that is well, well overdue. I may use this as an opportunity to update the look.
*The montly 'Things I've Been Meaning to Do' originally came from I'm A Lazy Mom.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)