Having seen the spoilers, out of curiosity I read the new Bridget Jones' Diary instalment.
My curiosity was how was someone who may not know the widow experience*, write about the widow experience? Honestly, pretty well, taking into account it is Bridget Jones we're talking about, and she is 5 years into the journey & I'm 18 months. At least in part, her experience is familiar to me. Particularly being left on your own to raise young children.
The widowhood experience is something that is very, very difficult to comprehend until you've been there. I had not concept before it happened, and the reviews I've read seem to support that; I don't feel there is a widow amongst the critics I've read. So the book is generally being panned.
Firstly, it was never going to be a contender for the Man Booker - it's chick-lit people. Take it as such.
One comment that crops up is she's again a singleton/cougar, therefore reverting to type.
Firstly, she's still Bridget. And the singleton/dating scenario is the premise of her character - it's what the first two books were about, why wouldn't the third?
And I hate to break the 'happy happy joy joy' view that spouses don't up and die on you until you've reached a ripe old age, but we widows are out there. In large numbers. You'll be surprised how many younger widows (and widowers) there are from accidents, suicide, cancer and other medical conditions and illnesses. And some do want to re-partner down the track, so the fact Bridget's looking (and frankly, only starts at the 5 year mark, with the pressure of her friends - without that she may not have), is also a reality. This doesn't even cover those divorcees who also find themselves single again in their 30's, 40's and 50's.
Another critique is that she's still a social klutz. Again, she's still Bridget. Mark's influence may well have reduced some of those tendencies through her marriage, but the stress and trauma of widowhood may well have brought them out in force again. Widowhood does change your world view and may change your personality in part, but it's not necessarily a complete personality transplant, which one critic I read seemed to expect. In fact, that she was a social klutz to start with it's not surprising, she remains one. "Widow brain" (that I've heard a lot of long-timers talk about still experiencing, and may be a PTSD manifestation), is likely to amplify rather than dull this trait of Bridget's. The descriptor of 'foundering' by another character actually describes the experience pretty well; floundering is also apt.
Some raise a timing issue of Bridget being 51, with her youngest child a 5 year old. This rankled with me initially too, but on reflection, we don't know if both kids were the result of a long effort of assisted reproduction (ART), or even egg donor. It's possible for the 5 year old to be from a Frozen Embryo Transfer. And it's her contemporaneous diary, there's no real reason for her to mention it (except for back-story, and Fielding chose not to cover it in back story). That it's automatically assumed that both are natural pregnancies also shouts to the lack of familiarity in the broader world with the infertility experience. Heck, I did it and I HAVE the IF experience!
Some may argue that Bridget talks about Mark's death, why not any (potential) ART? Having also been through both, you tend to focus on and re-visit the loss of your husband, not what it took to have your child(ren). And the loss of a spouse is something that hums away in the background and then intensifies to crippling clarity at the drop of a hat. It's something I've learned to expect to be life-long.
Early in the book it's mentioned that Mark left her a wealthy woman - this is another of the criticisms; that she's rich so it's not reality. First, they were wealthy to start with, and rich people die, too. Plus he had made sure everything was in place, just in case - as is stated in the book.
Although really just a passing comment, this is the biggest lesson I see to the general readership of the book. Mark had made sure that his family would be secure. Mr Trifectagirl and I had not gotten around to getting things in place even though we'd planned to, but our superannuation system meant I've at least been left with a secure roof over J and I's head. I've encountered a number of widows both on and off line that are not so secure. There was no insurance, or no ability to get insurance, or limited superannuation. They have no choice but to work, and/or they loose their homes when they're still in the depths of grief. Making sure both partners are adequately insured to keep the family secure is a great lesson from the book.
The upshot is there were moments that cut close to the bone, but it was an overall enjoyable, easy chick-lit read giving an insight into the widow experience through the lens of Bridget Jones.
*in checking, no Helen Fielding has not experienced widowhood. She's obviously done some good research in writing this book.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, 26 October 2013
Sunday, 19 May 2013
Retirement Plans
I came across an idea this morning that really grabbed me.
Taryn over at Widow's Voice is gearing up for a trip to India. As part of the post she mentioned a 'Once in a Lifetime Trip, Once a Year'.
I REALLY like this idea!! For years I've been building a list of trips I'd like to take, so I can add this concept to my savings plan and my plans for retirement (only some 20-odd years down the track...)
Taryn over at Widow's Voice is gearing up for a trip to India. As part of the post she mentioned a 'Once in a Lifetime Trip, Once a Year'.
I REALLY like this idea!! For years I've been building a list of trips I'd like to take, so I can add this concept to my savings plan and my plans for retirement (only some 20-odd years down the track...)
- Climb Kilimanjaro
- Visit Sri Lanka, probably as part of a cricket tour
- Visit Argentina
- Cruise Alaska
Trips Mr Trifectagirl & I wanted to take as a family so our children would have the experience are also on the list, but will wait until J is a bit older and he'll remember them.
- Travel the UK from John o'Groats to Lands End.
- Travel the East Cost of the USA, top to bottom.
- Do a Dawn Service at Galipolli
I also want to scatter part of Mr Trifectagirl's ashes with some of those of his father in Cork, Ireland. I'll wait until J is older so that he can remember it.
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Looking into the Future
A few weeks ago I found Mr Trifectagirl's high school report cards. His grades were generally OK, particularly in the early years, but he was described as a 'distraction' in class and his grades began to reflect that as he got older.
Two thoughts from having found those reports:
1 - I would have HATED to be his teacher.
2 - A friend mentioned that I'm probably looking into the future. She's probably right.
Friends who are choosing to send their children outside of the public school system are starting to look at schools, or receive offers of places at their chosen schools. Competition can be stiff for entry; one friend did a school tour recently planning for their 7 week old's primary school education.
Since J will start primary school in February 2016, I figured it's time to get off my butt and look at schools, both for primary and high school. For primary, I'm generally happy to send J to public school, but I've always preferred to go private for high school; Mr Trifectagirl wanted his old public school, which I wasn't too adverse to, but it wasn't my first choice.
So I did some research on the public primary school our house is zoned for. It's what is known as a 'super school', where 4 smaller schools have been brought together onto one campus. Although it's all new facilities, I'm not too impressed with the size. On the plus side, at least it's only "Birth to Year 7", not "Birth to Year 12" like many of the other new super schools Add that results in the national standardised testing place the school at the lower end of achievement and since it's a new amalgamation, there's no historical data to see if there is a trend of improvement, I'm just not comfortable with this school. So I'm going for 'out of zone' enrollment for a couple of selected public schools, with hopes of moving into the relevant zone by the time school starts or at least within the first year. I just need to finish my own studies, then get a job so I can get a mortgage to move!
For middle and high school, this week I put is name down for one of the most elite (and therefore expensive) boys schools in the city. With Mr Trifectagirl no longer with us, the structure this school will provide may well be needed, especially if J is likely to reproduce his father's report cards! I've been asked why I'm getting his name on the list now for Year 7 entry in 2023. For entry at any level, the school gives preference to brothers of current scholars and sons and grandsons of old scholars. Since J is in neither of these categories, I want his name as far up the 'unconnected' list as I can get it. It doesn't mean we have to accept any place offered, but right now I need to set up the opportunity to get an opportunity to go there.
Two thoughts from having found those reports:
1 - I would have HATED to be his teacher.
2 - A friend mentioned that I'm probably looking into the future. She's probably right.
Friends who are choosing to send their children outside of the public school system are starting to look at schools, or receive offers of places at their chosen schools. Competition can be stiff for entry; one friend did a school tour recently planning for their 7 week old's primary school education.
Since J will start primary school in February 2016, I figured it's time to get off my butt and look at schools, both for primary and high school. For primary, I'm generally happy to send J to public school, but I've always preferred to go private for high school; Mr Trifectagirl wanted his old public school, which I wasn't too adverse to, but it wasn't my first choice.
So I did some research on the public primary school our house is zoned for. It's what is known as a 'super school', where 4 smaller schools have been brought together onto one campus. Although it's all new facilities, I'm not too impressed with the size. On the plus side, at least it's only "Birth to Year 7", not "Birth to Year 12" like many of the other new super schools Add that results in the national standardised testing place the school at the lower end of achievement and since it's a new amalgamation, there's no historical data to see if there is a trend of improvement, I'm just not comfortable with this school. So I'm going for 'out of zone' enrollment for a couple of selected public schools, with hopes of moving into the relevant zone by the time school starts or at least within the first year. I just need to finish my own studies, then get a job so I can get a mortgage to move!
For middle and high school, this week I put is name down for one of the most elite (and therefore expensive) boys schools in the city. With Mr Trifectagirl no longer with us, the structure this school will provide may well be needed, especially if J is likely to reproduce his father's report cards! I've been asked why I'm getting his name on the list now for Year 7 entry in 2023. For entry at any level, the school gives preference to brothers of current scholars and sons and grandsons of old scholars. Since J is in neither of these categories, I want his name as far up the 'unconnected' list as I can get it. It doesn't mean we have to accept any place offered, but right now I need to set up the opportunity to get an opportunity to go there.
Saturday, 30 March 2013
Anniversaries and Holidays
Mr Trifectagirl's birthday was on St Patrick's day, which also happens to coincide with the anniversary of him getting sick. To observe this anniversary, a group of his friends and I went to the restaurant we were at last year. I was apprehensive but enjoyed the day and the food is still fantastic. This was the third year in a row we've been there for his birthday.
And I've spent most of the time since then sick, overloaded and just generally feeling like crap. Not surprising since this is one of the big anniversaries, but I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today's Widow's Voice blog post sums it up well (this blog, part of the US based Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, has been a fantastic resource).
J still has sleep issues. He generally sleeps through, which I'm thankful for, but "sleeping through" is between him going down around 9pm and up anywhere from 5am. Which sucks if you're not a morning person.
Due to having a toddler running around in the evenings who requires a railroad engineer, story book reader and human jumping castle, I've struggled to keep up with my uni work, so have dropped my statistics subject. Thankfully the census date, which is the cut-off for paying for the subject, is tomorrow so I made that decision just in time.
I was planning to travel to the US over the mid-year break to meet a whole bunch of wonderful women who have supported me through infertility, pregnancy, parenthood, and Mr Trifectagirl's illness and passing. But the thought of travelling all over the continent, alone, with an over-active 2 year old for 4 weeks just did not sound like fun, so have cancelled those plans.
Now that I'm down to a hopefully more sensible load, I'll be able to cope with the 3 month run to the end of my job and the start of my time as a full time student again.
And I've spent most of the time since then sick, overloaded and just generally feeling like crap. Not surprising since this is one of the big anniversaries, but I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today's Widow's Voice blog post sums it up well (this blog, part of the US based Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation, has been a fantastic resource).
J still has sleep issues. He generally sleeps through, which I'm thankful for, but "sleeping through" is between him going down around 9pm and up anywhere from 5am. Which sucks if you're not a morning person.
Due to having a toddler running around in the evenings who requires a railroad engineer, story book reader and human jumping castle, I've struggled to keep up with my uni work, so have dropped my statistics subject. Thankfully the census date, which is the cut-off for paying for the subject, is tomorrow so I made that decision just in time.
I was planning to travel to the US over the mid-year break to meet a whole bunch of wonderful women who have supported me through infertility, pregnancy, parenthood, and Mr Trifectagirl's illness and passing. But the thought of travelling all over the continent, alone, with an over-active 2 year old for 4 weeks just did not sound like fun, so have cancelled those plans.
Now that I'm down to a hopefully more sensible load, I'll be able to cope with the 3 month run to the end of my job and the start of my time as a full time student again.
Sunday, 3 February 2013
Death March
Many widows who now count their journey in years talk about the death march - the physical and emotional experience in the lead up to the anniversary of their partner's death.
No matter what else has passed, including re-partnering, the body keeps those memories and marks time.
My grief shows itself physically. For the last week or so, I've been feeling like crap - unable to eat, sleeping even worse than usual, actually feeling the effects of my life-long tendency not to drink water, very short with J and struggling to deal with the 2 year old meltdowns that have appeared.
So it looks like my death march has begun, even though the 'deathaversary' isn't until June.
I've actually been feeling pretty good. University starts next week and I've reached the milestone of being able to take my wedding rings off - the time felt right.
So I've been trying to think 'why now'. I've know all along that I've been grieving on a two-date rhythm based on when Mr Trifectagirl got sick, and then passed. And for my experience, the illness date is the stronger of the two and the anniversary of him getting sick is 6 weeks or so away.
Then it dawned on me as the calendar flipped into February there is a third date I hadn't been conscious of, February 22nd - the date of the surgery that lead to his illness. The surgery I still believe that if he'd listend to doctor's orders, he could have avoided in the first place.
It doesn't help that prior to the 22nd I have J's 2nd birthday, the first without his father, and cupid day. Not that it was big for us, it's just freaking everywhere and a reminder of what has gone.
At least now that I've identified what's going on, I can do what I can to take care of myself.
I still don't feel like eating, though.
My grief shows itself physically. For the last week or so, I've been feeling like crap - unable to eat, sleeping even worse than usual, actually feeling the effects of my life-long tendency not to drink water, very short with J and struggling to deal with the 2 year old meltdowns that have appeared.
So it looks like my death march has begun, even though the 'deathaversary' isn't until June.
I've actually been feeling pretty good. University starts next week and I've reached the milestone of being able to take my wedding rings off - the time felt right.
So I've been trying to think 'why now'. I've know all along that I've been grieving on a two-date rhythm based on when Mr Trifectagirl got sick, and then passed. And for my experience, the illness date is the stronger of the two and the anniversary of him getting sick is 6 weeks or so away.
Then it dawned on me as the calendar flipped into February there is a third date I hadn't been conscious of, February 22nd - the date of the surgery that lead to his illness. The surgery I still believe that if he'd listend to doctor's orders, he could have avoided in the first place.
It doesn't help that prior to the 22nd I have J's 2nd birthday, the first without his father, and cupid day. Not that it was big for us, it's just freaking everywhere and a reminder of what has gone.
At least now that I've identified what's going on, I can do what I can to take care of myself.
I still don't feel like eating, though.
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
23 Months
I cannot believe that J is 23 months old.
One month until he's 2.
Where did the last 2 years go??? Don't answer that - a good chunk of last year was well and truely a write-off, as much as I tried to be conscious of J's growth and development while one stressed-out mamma about Mr Trifectagirl.
His favourite things at the moment are his wooden train set, water, baseball set, water, Fireman Sam, Lazy Town, Thomas, Giggle and Hoot, chasing mum with a spray bottle full of water, ice (frozen juice or frozen oranges or strawberries), bathtime. This kid is a water baby.
Party plans are in full swing. We're going to the same park as last year since it gives options for older kids to run around - and I suspect J will only stop long enough to inhale some cake that a friend is making for us, and get back into playing himself.
Gift wise he goes up to the toddler room at childcare on his birthday, so he'll get a new bag and hat on his birthday. I also want to get him a sand pit, but that will have to happen later with grandpa's help.
Other gifts I've been told about are an easel, bathtub stickers, a quilt cover set and some size 2 clothes - and since it looks like he had a growth spurt Saturday, he'll be in them sooner rather than later, I think!
One month until he's 2.
Where did the last 2 years go??? Don't answer that - a good chunk of last year was well and truely a write-off, as much as I tried to be conscious of J's growth and development while one stressed-out mamma about Mr Trifectagirl.
His favourite things at the moment are his wooden train set, water, baseball set, water, Fireman Sam, Lazy Town, Thomas, Giggle and Hoot, chasing mum with a spray bottle full of water, ice (frozen juice or frozen oranges or strawberries), bathtime. This kid is a water baby.
Party plans are in full swing. We're going to the same park as last year since it gives options for older kids to run around - and I suspect J will only stop long enough to inhale some cake that a friend is making for us, and get back into playing himself.
Gift wise he goes up to the toddler room at childcare on his birthday, so he'll get a new bag and hat on his birthday. I also want to get him a sand pit, but that will have to happen later with grandpa's help.
Other gifts I've been told about are an easel, bathtub stickers, a quilt cover set and some size 2 clothes - and since it looks like he had a growth spurt Saturday, he'll be in them sooner rather than later, I think!
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Seasonal Run-Around
I've made it part-way through my first holiday season without Mr Trifectagirl.
I'd hoped to be able to keep all the things Mr Trifectagirl and I did last year with J, but some I decided against on practical grounds. And of course best laid plans and all that...
I'd hoped to go to our Zoo's member picnic held on the first Sunday in December, like we did last year, but just wasn't up to dealing with J on my own in that environment. It is at least a two-adult event at the moment. Instead we went to our church's annual street party which directly clashes with the picnic.
On December 14th, which was the 6 month anniversary of Mr Trifectagirl's passing, I had hoped to take J to see a particular light display we went to last year - I'd really like it to become a tradition of that's what we do that day. But of course the stress of the anniversary had me sick with bronchitis and sinusitis. My sister, her 10 week old son, J and I finally got there on the 21st.
The anniversary was hard - I was sick, over-tired because J was sick, and work circumstances lead to a massive amount of pressure. So not so unexpectedly I had a melt-down and am now on a 3 week break (it was only going to be 10 days) to recharge.
Also on December 14th our Elf arrived. I must say, having to only come up with 10 hiding ideas makes this a good date to choose! After a couple of days J got the concept and started looking each morning for where the elf had moved to. It was cute to watch him check the last couple of places before he found it. The elf is still unnamed - we'll do that next year.
One of my uni crowds had our usual pre-Christmas catch up on the weekend before Christmas. J loves water so was happy as a clam once he figured out the slip-n-slide that was set up to deal with the 39C temps. The next morning he also started copying one of the older children's bowling action.
Christmas Eve was spent catching up with friends and J performing in the church children's nativity. Unfortunately for me during the rehearsals he discovered the organ niche, so kept making a bee-line for it. We usually sit up the back, so there are plenty of people to catch him if he makes a break for it one Sunday!
Christmas Day started with pancakes and gifts for J- he was rather spoilt, but I kept it relatively in check with the 4 gift rule of something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. His stocking had a bit more stuff in it, and I won't go as overboard next year. The Christmas morning church service was followed by a lovely long lunch - once my MIL's access cab showed up.
Boxing Day my sister and I brought forward our usual "get each other tickets to a musical" gift and went to see Les Mis. Both loving the musical, we enjoyed it, but also had some critiques.
Last night I caught up with a bunch of girlfriends and another friend on his biannual trip home from London over dinner. Good food, good company and a lovely night all up. Topped off with J staying at the grandparents place, so I got to sleep in!
I just have New Years Eve to get through now, which will be spent with friends. Then I start the first calendar year without Mr Trifectagirl.
I'd hoped to be able to keep all the things Mr Trifectagirl and I did last year with J, but some I decided against on practical grounds. And of course best laid plans and all that...
I'd hoped to go to our Zoo's member picnic held on the first Sunday in December, like we did last year, but just wasn't up to dealing with J on my own in that environment. It is at least a two-adult event at the moment. Instead we went to our church's annual street party which directly clashes with the picnic.
On December 14th, which was the 6 month anniversary of Mr Trifectagirl's passing, I had hoped to take J to see a particular light display we went to last year - I'd really like it to become a tradition of that's what we do that day. But of course the stress of the anniversary had me sick with bronchitis and sinusitis. My sister, her 10 week old son, J and I finally got there on the 21st.
The anniversary was hard - I was sick, over-tired because J was sick, and work circumstances lead to a massive amount of pressure. So not so unexpectedly I had a melt-down and am now on a 3 week break (it was only going to be 10 days) to recharge.
Also on December 14th our Elf arrived. I must say, having to only come up with 10 hiding ideas makes this a good date to choose! After a couple of days J got the concept and started looking each morning for where the elf had moved to. It was cute to watch him check the last couple of places before he found it. The elf is still unnamed - we'll do that next year.
One of my uni crowds had our usual pre-Christmas catch up on the weekend before Christmas. J loves water so was happy as a clam once he figured out the slip-n-slide that was set up to deal with the 39C temps. The next morning he also started copying one of the older children's bowling action.
Christmas Eve was spent catching up with friends and J performing in the church children's nativity. Unfortunately for me during the rehearsals he discovered the organ niche, so kept making a bee-line for it. We usually sit up the back, so there are plenty of people to catch him if he makes a break for it one Sunday!
Christmas Day started with pancakes and gifts for J- he was rather spoilt, but I kept it relatively in check with the 4 gift rule of something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read. His stocking had a bit more stuff in it, and I won't go as overboard next year. The Christmas morning church service was followed by a lovely long lunch - once my MIL's access cab showed up.
Boxing Day my sister and I brought forward our usual "get each other tickets to a musical" gift and went to see Les Mis. Both loving the musical, we enjoyed it, but also had some critiques.
Last night I caught up with a bunch of girlfriends and another friend on his biannual trip home from London over dinner. Good food, good company and a lovely night all up. Topped off with J staying at the grandparents place, so I got to sleep in!
I just have New Years Eve to get through now, which will be spent with friends. Then I start the first calendar year without Mr Trifectagirl.
Saturday, 8 December 2012
Score
At home, J spends a lot of time inside. Our yard just isn't as interesting as Grandpa's.
One thing I've been wanting to get him as an enticement to go outside is a basketball hoop - one of the adjustable plastic ones. But I since I've already got his Christmas gifts, I haven't been able to justify the expense, even with his birthday not far behind Christmas.
Driving towards Grandpa and Anjeanie's house a coulple of weeks ago, a lady was putting a bunch of stuff out for hard rubbish collection.
The pile was dominated by one of the hoops, which was in pretty good nick. So I took it!! Along with a little art table/seat thing. And promptly unloaded them both at Grandpa's house, which is where we were heading at the time.
Grandpa and Anjeanie hold a 'big bash' back yard party leading up to Christmas each year, which happened to be the day after. They were concerned about not having anything for few kids who are coming to play with.
Perfect timing. A bit of a clean, and the hoop was good to go.
J's taken to it and loves trying to get his soccer ball up through the hoop from below. It will probably come here in January some time
One thing I've been wanting to get him as an enticement to go outside is a basketball hoop - one of the adjustable plastic ones. But I since I've already got his Christmas gifts, I haven't been able to justify the expense, even with his birthday not far behind Christmas.
Driving towards Grandpa and Anjeanie's house a coulple of weeks ago, a lady was putting a bunch of stuff out for hard rubbish collection.
The pile was dominated by one of the hoops, which was in pretty good nick. So I took it!! Along with a little art table/seat thing. And promptly unloaded them both at Grandpa's house, which is where we were heading at the time.
Grandpa and Anjeanie hold a 'big bash' back yard party leading up to Christmas each year, which happened to be the day after. They were concerned about not having anything for few kids who are coming to play with.
Perfect timing. A bit of a clean, and the hoop was good to go.
J's taken to it and loves trying to get his soccer ball up through the hoop from below. It will probably come here in January some time
Tuesday, 25 September 2012
School Ties
Friday night I attended my 20 year Australian high school reunion. Or as Mr Trifectagirl used to say 'Girls College'.
Thanks to facebook, many of us caught up a number of years ago, but this was a mile-stone reunion that far-flung classmates made the effort to travel back home to attend.
Watching the interactions at the reunion and the noise level from the chatter that hasn't decreased with time (seriously, how did our teachers cope??!?!?), it felt like there hadn't been 20 odd years since we were all in a room together. Including those of us there that left the school before the end of high-school, or came in later years.
It was really wonderful to see how successful we've all been in whatever we've gone on in life to do - professional careers, personal interests, personal lives and parenthood.
Parents often consider how the school they select for their children can contribute to their child's future success - class sizes, facilities, choice of subjects, extra-curricular opportunities, final exam results, university acceptances, and so on.
Although this was and is a good school on many of those criteria, getting together got me thinking.
Maybe not only the reasons our parents sent us to this school contributed to our indivudial successes later in life, but the thing that is simply luck of the draw - the fortuitous mix of personalities, skills interests and talents that our class was.
To the ladies of SDPC Class of '92 - congratulations on all we've achieved so far, and here's to every success for the next 20 years.
Thanks to facebook, many of us caught up a number of years ago, but this was a mile-stone reunion that far-flung classmates made the effort to travel back home to attend.
Watching the interactions at the reunion and the noise level from the chatter that hasn't decreased with time (seriously, how did our teachers cope??!?!?), it felt like there hadn't been 20 odd years since we were all in a room together. Including those of us there that left the school before the end of high-school, or came in later years.
It was really wonderful to see how successful we've all been in whatever we've gone on in life to do - professional careers, personal interests, personal lives and parenthood.
Parents often consider how the school they select for their children can contribute to their child's future success - class sizes, facilities, choice of subjects, extra-curricular opportunities, final exam results, university acceptances, and so on.
Although this was and is a good school on many of those criteria, getting together got me thinking.
Maybe not only the reasons our parents sent us to this school contributed to our indivudial successes later in life, but the thing that is simply luck of the draw - the fortuitous mix of personalities, skills interests and talents that our class was.
To the ladies of SDPC Class of '92 - congratulations on all we've achieved so far, and here's to every success for the next 20 years.
Saturday, 15 September 2012
3 & 6
Yesterday was three months since Mr Trifectagirl passed away. The day itself was ok - if you count the aftermath of being up all night with a vomity toddler and changing cot sheets every 3 hours overnight as ok.
It was the day before that I struggled with. We overslept. The entire house. Including the cat. That should have been the first clue that it wasn't going to be a great day. With the late start, I opted to take a 'me' day from work while J was at child care. There were a few rough periods during the day, generally when I was alone with my thoughts while driving or making dinner, rather than trying to get other stuff done or chatting to people.
Monday will be six months since his birthday. Six months since he got sick.
I miss him and this plain sucks.
It was the day before that I struggled with. We overslept. The entire house. Including the cat. That should have been the first clue that it wasn't going to be a great day. With the late start, I opted to take a 'me' day from work while J was at child care. There were a few rough periods during the day, generally when I was alone with my thoughts while driving or making dinner, rather than trying to get other stuff done or chatting to people.
Monday will be six months since his birthday. Six months since he got sick.
I miss him and this plain sucks.
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Art Imitating Life
I'm currently reading the first series of novels by Charlaine Harris (author of the Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood series) that I picked up from the library. I've been quite enjoying it, when I get a chance to read.
I use the bus trip to and from work to read for the most part.
I worked an extra day yesterday therefore loosing my down-time from being "a widowed mother of a toddler working to keep a roof over our head and food on the table whilst trying to remain sane" for the week and being stressed out to the max with budgets and trying to get things done on deadline (and not really succeeding). I was feeling pretty low on resilience on what the world was throwing at me, and so I escaped into my book on my way home.
And lo and behold, a recurring character becomes a widow with a couple of books to go.
Crap. Now I'm really on the verge of tears and loosing it.
Not what I need sitting on the bus next to some teenage boy who was already shitty as I'd made him put his bag on the floor under his feet so my arse could park on the seat.
I got home and distracted myself doing the grocery shop and continued my day.
On the up side, at least I can identify with the character in the final books, right?
I use the bus trip to and from work to read for the most part.
I worked an extra day yesterday therefore loosing my down-time from being "a widowed mother of a toddler working to keep a roof over our head and food on the table whilst trying to remain sane" for the week and being stressed out to the max with budgets and trying to get things done on deadline (and not really succeeding). I was feeling pretty low on resilience on what the world was throwing at me, and so I escaped into my book on my way home.
And lo and behold, a recurring character becomes a widow with a couple of books to go.
Crap. Now I'm really on the verge of tears and loosing it.
Not what I need sitting on the bus next to some teenage boy who was already shitty as I'd made him put his bag on the floor under his feet so my arse could park on the seat.
I got home and distracted myself doing the grocery shop and continued my day.
On the up side, at least I can identify with the character in the final books, right?
Tuesday, 14 August 2012
5 Months, 2 Months, 18 Months
Today is two calendar months since Mr Trifectagirl passed.
I still feel like I'm running on a few time-lines. How long since he got sick (closing in on 5 months) and how long since he passed. His passing I still count in both weeks (it's 8) and months.
But the weeks are getting fuzzier to remember. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. Or as he always said, 'It is what it is' (which drove me batty, by the way).
And how am I marking the day?
J went swimming, then off for his 18 month checks and immunisations.
We also reached that milestone a couple of days ago.
In amongst all the crazies, somehow I got an 18 month old.
I still feel like I'm running on a few time-lines. How long since he got sick (closing in on 5 months) and how long since he passed. His passing I still count in both weeks (it's 8) and months.
But the weeks are getting fuzzier to remember. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. Or as he always said, 'It is what it is' (which drove me batty, by the way).
And how am I marking the day?
J went swimming, then off for his 18 month checks and immunisations.
We also reached that milestone a couple of days ago.
In amongst all the crazies, somehow I got an 18 month old.
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
Grief's Journey
I've spent quite a bit of time on-line looking for "widow", particularly "young widow with child(ren)" resources and groups, and I've found some great communities out there.
I also happened to find a local group who meet face to face, and attended my first event last week. It was dinner, and obviously there was a lot heavy conversation - most start with 'how did you loose your spouse?', but quite a lot of laughs, too.
Of the 10 there, five of us were there for the first time mostly within the first year since loosing our partners, however one lady is 4 years into her journey and is now feeling up to getting out and about more. Most of us were after a group of people who 'get it' and can provide support, encouragement as we move along our journeys and tips for managing our kids and helping them through this crappy situation.
I'm glad I've found this group - I think it's going to be a great collection of people to be involved with.
I also happened to find a local group who meet face to face, and attended my first event last week. It was dinner, and obviously there was a lot heavy conversation - most start with 'how did you loose your spouse?', but quite a lot of laughs, too.
Of the 10 there, five of us were there for the first time mostly within the first year since loosing our partners, however one lady is 4 years into her journey and is now feeling up to getting out and about more. Most of us were after a group of people who 'get it' and can provide support, encouragement as we move along our journeys and tips for managing our kids and helping them through this crappy situation.
I'm glad I've found this group - I think it's going to be a great collection of people to be involved with.
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
It's begining to look a lot like Christmas...
Mother-In-Law is wheelchair bound and relies on access cabs for transportation. This means that Christmas has to be organised way,way in advance so we actually get a cab booking for reasonable times. So I've already been turning my thoughts to our first Christmas without Mr Trifectagirl.
Christmas time will be around the 6 month mark since Mr Trifectagirl passed, so I'm expecting it to be doubly rough - first Christmas and six months in one hit.
Fortunately we did a few things last year as a family that I have photographs of. The Zoo's member family BBQ, Elf on the Shelf (which Mr Trifectagirl hated), going to the Brewery Garden light display, Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services. I can keep these as family traditions for J, along with my baking traditions. I can also talk to Mother in Law and see if there were any traditions from Mr Trifectagirl's childhood I could add back in.
I'm thinking of going to the lights on the 14th, being the date of the month we lost Mr Trifectagirl.
The day itself, I have no idea on what will happen apart from going to Christmas morning service. Hopefully Sister and her baby (who will be 2-3 months old, depending on when it decides to arrive) will decide to come too.
Gift wise, I'm glad I found the 'something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read' guideline - I could be spending so much money on J if I don't keep to this. I will add something from Santa and something to make/do which can be used to while away the post-Christmas lunch slump in the afternoon. While we play that age-old sport - watching to see if Grandpa falls off his chair when he falls asleep.
And I can't forget the really bad Christmas Tree costume Mr Trifectagirl bought for J in the sales last year. It should be delightful!
Christmas time will be around the 6 month mark since Mr Trifectagirl passed, so I'm expecting it to be doubly rough - first Christmas and six months in one hit.
Fortunately we did a few things last year as a family that I have photographs of. The Zoo's member family BBQ, Elf on the Shelf (which Mr Trifectagirl hated), going to the Brewery Garden light display, Christmas Eve and Christmas morning services. I can keep these as family traditions for J, along with my baking traditions. I can also talk to Mother in Law and see if there were any traditions from Mr Trifectagirl's childhood I could add back in.
I'm thinking of going to the lights on the 14th, being the date of the month we lost Mr Trifectagirl.
The day itself, I have no idea on what will happen apart from going to Christmas morning service. Hopefully Sister and her baby (who will be 2-3 months old, depending on when it decides to arrive) will decide to come too.
Gift wise, I'm glad I found the 'something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read' guideline - I could be spending so much money on J if I don't keep to this. I will add something from Santa and something to make/do which can be used to while away the post-Christmas lunch slump in the afternoon. While we play that age-old sport - watching to see if Grandpa falls off his chair when he falls asleep.
And I can't forget the really bad Christmas Tree costume Mr Trifectagirl bought for J in the sales last year. It should be delightful!
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